VANQUISHING YOUR INNER BULLY
By Elana Laham © 2015 Elana Laham
Some people call it their inner critical voice. I call it one’s inner bully. And it is not just our significant others early on in our life, such as our parents, who construct this negative mental program into our minds. We also live in so-called society, which I refer to as the Bully Culture. The Bully Culture perpetuates and reinforces this inner bully bad programming throughout our lives, which our caretakers and/or caregivers gave us when we were young. This is in order that the bully leaders of human civilization can dominate the rest of us. The Bully Culture is set up so that for there to be a winner there has to be a loser in society. So there you go for why most of us regular common folk have already lost our innately endowed self-esteem. Unless and until we accept that our own inner bully is a by-product of the Bully Culture mechanism that we are all made to live in, we do not stand a chance at eradicating its virus from our mental computer known as our God-given Divinely inspired brain.
The chatty catty voice echoing inside of your head, or
the uncomfortable silent emotion churning inside of your heart works relentlessly 24/7/365 to keep you spellbound by its incantations of, “you are helpless, hopeless, and worthless”. Its objective is to forever imprison you in the victim role.
How do you counteract it?
An inner bully plagues many people. I reiterate, you can thank the Bully Culture for this. Most of us have a mental sick program in our head, which spews forth various non-verbal scripts in order to make us believe we are useless. Being that we are all individuals we all have different negative tapes playing in our brain. What we have to do is learn what they are. Then neutralize them with the TRUTH. After that we will recover our self-respect.
Some of the negative messages my inner bully thrusts upon my psyche are:
1) “You are the only one being singled out for bullying”.
2) “You are a wimp”.
Consequently, I am a pathetic pitiful loser.
Do you have an inner bully that does this? If so, do the following:
A) Remind yourself that if it were true that you are the only one in the whole wide world that is a victim of bullying, then outer bully(s) woulda, shoulda, coulda not be so skilled at bullying as they woulda, shoulda, coulda not be getting any practice at it. And practice makes perfect.
B) Use the media to find out about other peoples’ grievances about being bullied. Doing so will let you know you are not alone. I recommend clicking on the Internet as opposed to turning on the Television. The Internet has complaints made by regular people like you and me. TV tends to have concerns aired by people who we cannot relate to who don’t relate to us.
C) Check out the BullCrap that your inner bully is harassing you with.
Once I took an international flight from Tel Aviv Ben Gurion Airport to John F. Kennedy on Delta Airlines. An Israeli stewardess deliberately spilled water all over my lap. For three hours of the twelve-hour flight my thighs and crouch were damp. My inner bully kept chiding me about it saying, “You are a wimp. You woulda, shoulda, coulda taken your own bottle of water and spilled it all over her feet while she was pouring water onto your lap. Then you woulda, shoulda, coulda claimed it was an accident due to the shock of the cold water she was dumping onto your lap”.
Due to today’s double standards that, “the employee is always right and the customer is always wrong”, my inner bully’s advice woulda, shoulda, coulda never ever work. As a result for her, since she works for Delta, it will be regarded as an accident but for me because I am a patron of Delta, it will be considered deliberate. That being said I will get into trouble, not her.
One day, when I was reading about complaints against Delta, I stumbled upon one complaint that quoted what federal law states about retaliating against a flight attendant.
The following is what it states:
“Section 46504 of Title 49, United States Code (formerly section 1472(j) of Title 49 Appendix) sets forth the offense of interference with a flight crew member or flight attendant within the special aircraft jurisdiction of the United States, which is defined in 49 U.S.C. § 46501(2). The statute applies to any "individual on an aircraft in the special aircraft jurisdiction of the United States who, by assaulting or intimidating a flight crew member or flight attendant of the aircraft, interferes with the performance of the duties of the member or attendant or lessens the ability of the member or attendant to perform those duties." The statute provides for up to 20 years imprisonment...”
[See the CURRENT EVENTS 7/15/15 web page of the BullCrap Busters website for more details about the Delta Airlines water incident and for the hyperlink in the United States Federal Law about flight crew].
Imagine it! Twenty years in prison if I listened to my inner bully!! There I woulda, shoulda, coulda be incarcerated while hearing the thoughts of my inner bully scolding me with, “You asinine ignoramus!!! Why did you pour water all over that stewardess???”
The thing about the inner bully is...YOU ARE DAMNED IF YOU DO AND YOU ARE DAMNED IF YOU DON’T. So don’t listen to it. Use mental affirmations to kick its sorry butt to the curb. For everything it says is so absurd.
Another thing the inner bully invades my psyche with is a negative versus positive perspective on things such as:
3) "You do an awful versus a wonderful job confronting bully(s)."
Consequently I am a pathetic pitiful loser.
Do you have an inner bully that does this? If so, do the following:
D) Keep a journal that documents entries about all of the instances in which you have encountered bullying and fought back against being victimised by bullying.
First of all, it will get your mind to focus on your successes as opposed to your so-called failures in becoming a self actualized BullCrap Buster.
Second of all, doing so will help you improve on how you deal with bully(s) in the future by portraying how bully(s) have dealt with you in the past.
The following is an entry from my BULLCRAP BUSTERS JOURNAL, which demonstrates how I overcame my own inner bully:
On 1/1/16, Friday at 12:30 noon, I went to BenLeumi Kapat Cholem to sign up for health care. I tried to open the doors. They were locked. Suddenly, two females exited the building, stopped walking, and looked at me straight on. One said to me in Hebrew, “It is closed.” The other joined in to confirm. I said, “Oh”.
Next, in a tone of voice dripping with hostility, she said in Hebrew, “It’s Friday!” implying that I am supposed to know this business closes at 12 noon when most others are open until 2 in the afternoon. And they both started walking away. So I said back to her in Hebrew, in a tone of voice dripping with hostility, “I don’t know! I have never been here before!” while I pointed to the building’s entrance door. They stopped walking, turned around sideways, looked at me, but said nothing.
Then, I looked back straight on at them and said, “Excuse me!” in a sarcastic tone of voice like “excuse you” for being so rude for nothing. They both said nothing turned away from me and continued walking.
After that, the female who started the fight without turning around or looking at me, in a nearly inaudible voice vocalized a brief laugh and said, “Excuse me” to herself. I said back in Hebrew emphatically, while looking straight at them, “You speak nonsense!” They both said nothing stayed turned away from me and continued walking away from me.
Notice how in our chance meeting both bully cowards ganged up on me. But at the end of our chance meeting neither bully coward was ganging up on me.
Notice how at the start of our happenstance both bully cowards were speaking to me. However, at the finish of our happenstance neither bully coward was talking to me.
Notice how in the beginning of our encounter both bully cowards looked straight at me. In the middle of our encounter both bully cowards looked sideways at me. At the end of our encounter both bully cowards had turned away from looking at me.
Inner Bully Attack: My inner bully was chiding me that the two bully cowards were enjoying the fact that they had upset me and they were not the least bit bothered by my retaliation. In other words what I said, I had no affect or effect upon them. Hence, I am a helpless, hopeless, useless victim.
BullCrapBusters Counterattack: According to these two bully cowards' non-verbals also known as body language not only did I upset them, I did so to the point where they were scared of me and so left me alone. Thus, I am a self empowered, self actualised, BullCrap Buster.
[See the web page entitled “Vanquishing Your Inner Bully Updates 10/24/17” of the BullCrap Busters website for Part II of this write up].
[See the Mental Bullying web page of the BullCrap Busters website for more details about the workings of the inner bully].