OVERCOMING THE GIFT BULLY
By Elana Laham © 2018 Elana Laham
The nastiest bully(s) on planet earth are the ones who target your heart for bullying. There are many ways to cheat on a person. But have you ever encountered the bully who without provocation will accept in order to reject your gift(s)?
This type of twisted bully coward changes a beautiful thing into an ugly thing for no reason by plunging the dagger of bullying into your heart when he suddenly rips your relationship to pieces but refuses to offer any explanation to your “Why?” with his “Because!”
The following is a real life scenario I call, “The Gift”, which illustrates how the Gift Bully operates and how you can bestow back upon the Gift Bully his own medicine:
For four months my spouse and I were struggling to get thru the bureaucracy of the Jewish Government and unwelcoming party of our own Jewish People to make Aliyah – immigrate into the State of Israel – in order to escape the covert police violence in our country of origin – the United States of America, which was threatening to literally destroy our lives.
So you can best believe how utterly grateful we were when the Misrod Paneem – Ministry of the Interior – stamped our stray selves within one hour into Israeli citizenship in the city of Karmiel via one of its agents, whose name was Corrine Aliani. Especially when she said, “You belong to us.” With a throat constricted with distress followed by relief I insisted that she permit us to express our gratitude to her for saving our lives unbeknownst to her. She replied by informing us that she collects frogs as tokens of appreciation from people who appreciate her services and she told us that her hope was to become the manager of the office.
A few days later we returned with a letter of recommendation for her to share with her boss to help her reach her goal of securing the management position. She thanked us for it.
A few weeks later we were on a plane to America to retrieve our money from our American bank account. It was there in a grocery store that I spotted a lovely frog to give to Corrine Aliani. The frog was made of solid ceramic in two glossy tones of light and dark earthly green color with gold that outlined the frog’s hands and the frog’s feet and big round open black colored eyes. Its legs were spread wide in a sitting position. Its arms were wrapped around two softly green leafy petals. Its body was encased in an intricate black spotted leopard pattern. Its frog mouth was closed but it looked like it was smiling. The little frog was perfectly beautiful. I purchased it. The store merchant wrapped it for international travel. When we arrived back in Israel I presented my little gift to Corrine Aliani. While she was staring at the frog she said, “This came from America?” I said, “Yes! Do you like it?” She said, “Yes! I love it!” And she placed my frog with the rest of the frogs that kept her company but closest to her alongside her computer keyboard. I was very glad that she enjoyed my gift to her.
A lot of time passed before we had yet another occasion to visit the Misrod Paneem in Karmiel. I was looking forward to seeing Corrine Aliani again and saying “Hello” to her. When we arrived at her booth window I said, “Hi! How are you?” But she glanced at us as if she did not know who we were and said nothing. No, “I am fine” or Yes, “How are you?” Not a word was uttered to us. Puzzled I asked her, “Do you remember us?” “Yes” she answered flatly. Confounded by her cold silence I asked, “Do you remember that I gave you a frog?” She answered with another flat line, “Yes.” I peered around her desk but I did not see the little gift I had given her. So I inquired as to which one of the frogs congregated around her desk was mine. To my startled amazement she barked in an irritated voice, “I do not know.” Suddenly, I located the frog I had given to her and I exclaimed, “Oh! Here it is.” The next words that spewed forth from her mouth stunned the hell out of me. “I am not comfortable with you talking about the frog. Here take it or I will throw it into the trash!” I was speechless. When I regained my composure thoroughly baffled I asked, “Why?” No reply. Again I asked “Why?” No reply. Yet again I asked, “Why?” Not ever a reply. “Okay I will take it. It’s a nice frog.” I said sadly. But growing within me now was anger. So I said, “We have been nothing but nice to you. We gave you a letter of recommendation and a frog. Yet you are mean to us. I bet you are rejecting the frog because you did not get the job as manager.” Her reaction to my words to her was silence followed by a somewhat opened jaw followed by her commanding the guard to make me leave. Now I knew why she was acting so strangely. “Have a nice day.” I said to the guard and I left on my own.
I was upset. At home I stared at the lovely frog. I did not know what to do with it. Neither my spouse nor myself are “frog” people. And gazing upon the frog now only reminded me of how Corrine Aliani’s schizophrenic behavior made ugly my beautiful gesture towards her. However, I knew one thing, I was not going to be victimized by Corrine Aliani’s heartless bullying. That was when I realized what I had to do. Emotionless, I banged a hammer against the frog until its quality craftsmanship finally relented and both of its legs broke off of its thighs. Then, I smashed one of its eyes. After that, I shattered the top portion of the leafy petals it was holding and dislodged its fingers and its toes from its hands and feet. Finally, my consistent pounding broke apart the surface of its back. It was not an expensive frog. So I was not losing any money. But the cents I spent on it was not the point. I whispered to the frog, “I am sorry.” But I also knew that the frog was clay and so unto clay it was returning. But a person’s feelings have to be taken care of.
Soon after, I returned to bully coward Corrine Aliani. To my surprise she was sitting at the manager’s desk in the manager’s office. So I wondered if perhaps I was mistaken and she did become the manager. However, I noticed that none of her other frogs that other people had given her were present. So I reasoned that she was only acting manager for the day. I also wondered if perhaps she was one of those people who hate Clark Kent because he is nice. But it mattered not. There was no justifiable reason for her disgusting behavior towards me.
Now I was going to give her bully coward self back her own medicine. First, as I approached the desk she was sitting at, I returned her shock value back to her by putting what was previously a whole frog a presently broken frog on the desk. Second, I said to her, “Take the frog. You throw it into the trash. It is your problem. You mean, stupid, selfish, lazy, arrogant lying flunky.” With a poker faced expression she argued with me, “You take it.” I firmly repeated myself, “Take the frog. You throw it into the trash. It is your problem. You mean, stupid, selfish, lazy, arrogant lying flunky.” I started to leave when she said “I am going to call the police on you.” Thoroughly disgusted I said back to her “Call the police on your self!” Then, I exited the office and the building leaving the broken frog behind for her sorry butt to contemplate. After that, I was happy again for I had cleared my system of Corrine Aliani.
So now you know what to do about the Gift Bully. Give her back her own medicine by refusing to accept your rejected gift by a) returning the gift you gave her back to her and b) by returning the gift you gave her back to her broken and not usable. By doing this you will communicate to the Gift Bully that you do not care that she rejected your gift because you are not going to accept your gift back from her, and you are not going to take any blame for the broken relationship since it is the Gift Bully who is at fault for breaking the relationship, not you.
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